I’ve never been one to dwell things. In college, I was always the one who could shrug off a bad test score or an intramural loss and move on to the next one. It’s not that I didn’t care- to the contrary, it’s because I cared about so many different things that there was always something new to focus on. I’ve always been able to shrug off the negatives and keep moving forward without my past affecting my present.
So then, why is it 6 PM on a Friday and I’m still at school?
Don’t get me wrong – this isn’t a “look at how hard I work” type of post because, honestly, I stopped being productive a while ago. It’s just that I can’t leave this building without feeling like I’m leaving something important. My to-do list is too long, my brain is too full of ideas, there are too many parents to call.
Every day when I leave, I spend the entire drive home on my phone, remembering ideas, adding to lists, searching through the madness for some tiny little edge that will help me connect with my students.
This isn’t a good thing, because I’m not getting any real work done from the hours of 6-9 PM, meaning that any effort put towards it is just a spinning of wheels. It keeps me from refreshing myself and coming back stronger. The ability to rebound from long days used to be a strength of mine but now I truly struggle with putting these things in the past.
It’s something I’ve thought about quite frequently recently and something that I’m going to need to figure out if I intend to do my very best here.