This year, I’ve been much less prolific on this site. Even though I find myself with exponentially more free time than I had at this time last year, I come here less and less often. I’m just not driven by the near-manic desire to record and remember every single moment that happens. Because it’s not some new grand, crazy, soul-squeezing adventure. It’s just life.
My lows aren’t as low anymore, but by the same token my highs aren’t as high. I don’t live and die by how each class goes. Instead, I come in, I work as hard as possible, try to impart a few lessons on the side, and go about my business, understanding now that I’m one cog within the education machine that is RMS.
Reading those words hurts just a little bit, because in part it reflects a lost idealism, the idea that one teacher, provided he sleeps few enough hours, can pull his students to where they need to be. However, I will be there very first to say that I am so much healthier mentally now than I was exactly one year ago that I can’t even begin to describe it.
This year, I feel like a human being. I’m involved in things that excite me, I teach my heart out, and I get something resembling sleep. It’s not enough; it’s never enough. But it is so much more than it was before, and for that I’m thankful.